I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
