Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
