I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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