I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
