Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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