I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
