If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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