found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
