I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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