There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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