Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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