meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
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The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
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Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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