It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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