I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
