Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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