Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
