my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
