Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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