I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
