Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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