Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
