I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
