erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I think your dad took our porno
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
