my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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