Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
