Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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