Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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