just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
