Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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