The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
