I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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