he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize