We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
