you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
