you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
