I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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