she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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