Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
