This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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