we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
