is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
