Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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