i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
