I hate all girls vehemently.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
