I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER