Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.