There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And then my night got REAL pukey
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.