hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life