all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
