Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
