his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
