I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
