i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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