Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
