I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
