My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
