if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
