I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
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