u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
