well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
