I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Randomize
