He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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