Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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