last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
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He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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