I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
