Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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