I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
