just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
