I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
