I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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