You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
