if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
