You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
