I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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