she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
