they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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