just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
