I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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