if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
