I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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