I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
