So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
