Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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