He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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